carousel
by starlee
Summary: sokai;-- everythings spinnin out of control.


**PP  
l---l---l--l---l---l  
carousel.  
**/_part I_/  
l------------------l

(&_ again _&_ again…_)  
strange how wild and unexpected things can be.  
stranger still was the way that land and sea can collide in a multitude of  
shimmering white foam, and lose a little of themselves to each other before falling away  
(_&_ away _&_ away)  
- yet still exist.  
stranger than that was the way that the  
sky reflects water - like mirrors, in fact – in order to obtain that  
flyaway vague light blue…  
and stranger yet was the way that a  
coffee haired teenage boy, with russet skin and sky blue crystals  
for eyes,  
could lose a girl with  
an extremely distinctive mass of cherry tresses atop her head  
in the tide that was the crowd- even if it was at a  
busy funfair within the duration of the dark hours of night.  
But, he decided, that was beside the point.  
Spotting a head of  
shocking red amidst a sea of brown and blonde and  
charcoal black.  
Simple?  
he wouldn't agree.  
he called for her, yelled her name, hoping that  
she may bound out of the tide,  
pale cheeks flushed and violet eyes bright,  
so that he may take her in his arms and scold and laugh and  
hold her tight, afraid to lose her again.  
she didn't.  
he battled  
(_&_ battled _&_ battled)  
against the current, ever  
stubborn, his desire burning strong, resilient. He gasped, breathless, as  
limbs whammed into him  
– left, right, up, down –  
but nothing could stop him.  
and no matter had hard he did try, no matter how many  
times her name left his lips, no matter how much he  
frantically scanned the fairground with his eyes,  
desperately, helplessly, _pleading  
_he couldn't find her.  
he'd lost her again.  
(&_ again _&_ again…_)

--**l**-**l**--

**It was, as he himself concluded, a ****piss-poor**** situation.**

--**l**-**l**--

_This_, I thought wretchedly, _is a piss-poor situation_.

How was it _possible_?

I've searched absolutely **everywhere **for her. I've poked my nosy nose into every single nook and cranny. Had my sorry behind booted from numerous portable loos (which, you can imagine, isn't an experience I'm particularly eager to relive), gotten lost in the surrounding trees after a big fat fake insight that she might possibly have wished for some quiet time (thank _God _that funfairs generate so much noise and light!), risked checking each tent and therefore getting dragged into _every_. _freaking_. _thing_ (remind me why Fortune Tellers were made legal, _please)_ and, after all of that, wrestled my slow agonising journey through the way over excited and jostling crowd (speaks for itself. I reckon my backside will stop hurting in maybe two months or so – if I could just find a four leaf clover…?).

To be frank, if I just so happen to see her now, innocently ruffling my hair or something equally annoying that she tends to find too hilarious to be healthy, I won't be the most happiest of chappies. Though technically, I'm not Mr. Smiles-and-freakishly-high-on-excitement anyhow.

If that point hadn't **already** been crossed.

My sigh is thoroughly dejected as I flop down gratefully onto this bench I find. And then seriously regret the action when it tips backwards dangerously before changing its mind and flopping back forwards. I reckon it caught a whiff of my vibes and decided it was probably better not to test my patience. Smart bench.

I should have known it wouldn't be bolted down anyway. This is a fair, for Godsake. The ground isn't even safe to walk on if you're not the kind of person who can't seem to walk across a flat, horizontal and stable surface without somehow finding something to trip over. Like me.

(Trust me, wires and two left feet aint a good mix…)

So anyway. Now that I've had a good long nice moan at you, I'm good. Or better. So I'll get on with it.

Tidus is a great kid. Brother. Whatever. Same thing. He notices my face is in full pout mode - God knows how, but he did - which basically tells him as good as words that I am **totally** pissed about something. So, ever obediently, he swims his zig-zaggy way through the crowd and jogs up to me. He sits, heavily. Not that I can blame him, really. I am very glad I weigh enough to anchor this damn piece of wood down.

"'Sup?" He greets, Tidus-style. Blitz boy.

"What do _you _think?" I snap hotly. That's it, hot and bothered. Look, here, at the _**face**_.

He changes expressions so rapidly that it could almost be amusing. Almost. He settles for a knowing look, like he's the wise guy instead of the younger one.

"You lost her already? Dude, we've been here barely fifteen minutes."

"There are a _lot _of people here, Tidy-widy."

"Don't call me that," He grumbles. Which makes me smile, 'cause somehow it really does help to vent off your frustrations on someone else when your angry, if only slightly. It's like releasing air from a balloon, or relieving yourself.

"And dude, she has bloody bright red hair. That's pretty distinctive."

I stare. "Since when did you know words like 'distinctive'?"

He actually looks pretty insulted. "Excuse me?"

I smile. "We all know you aint the brightest kid in town."

"And you are?"

"Did I say that?"

"You implied it."

"No, I didn't. I just said you aint the brightest kid in town. I never mentioned that I'm Einstein's reincarnation."

"No you're not."

I give up. There's no point even trying to explain that I was speaking hypothetically, 'cause then he'd want to know what 'hypothetically' means, and I **really** can not be honestly bothered.

"So where's Selphie?" I fire off. After all, I can't see the bubbly brunette, so who was he to accuse me of losing my 'date'?

"Loo," He says, coolly. Indicating towards the nearby portables. I glance over briefly, vaguely surprised, and realise that he's correct. She was just exiting them now.

Of course.

Sometimes Selphie's impeccable timing scares me.

"Right," I sulk, sinking further down into my seat. Embarrassed because I know that Tidus reads me like a literal book, and would therefore have known that I was trying to counter his accusation. But to my utter surprise he seems to overlook this with a simple roll of his eyes.

"Hiya Ti," She says in her usual perky cheerful manner. Selphie reminds me sadly of what I used to be like, all happy-go-lucky and all that jazz, but certain events have kinda put a permanent damper on my general spirit. Jokes that used to have me nearly wetting myself can't even force a chuckle through my lips nowadays, and in a way, that kinda freaks me out. **A lot**.

Let's just say, infatuation sucks – like _hell_. Especially when you're completely convinced that they don't return the feelings.

Scratch that, only when you're completely convinced that they don't return the feelings.

Like-liking someone is pure evil, I tell you. **Evil**!

"Sora?" Selphie is confused. Naturally. "Where's Kairi?"

I can't even make myself strain my mouth into a smile. So I just end up staring up at her as if she was a mildly fascinating… thing.

Selphie sighs. Tidus chuckles. I fail to see the humour in the situation.

"See, Fee? I _told _you," He grins and holds out a hand, twitching his fingers as if to beckon something.

--**l**-**l**--

"**You owe me ten quid."**

--**l**-**l**--

I could really have done without that.

I mean, they didn't even really _help_ – except for promising to inform the others and that they would keep an eye out for **her**.

And then they skipped off together with their arms linked and staring into each others eyes with big whopper lovey-dovey grins stretching their lips wider than was probably healthy. I watched them leave and silently wished that you can stretch lips like you can stretch clothes, so when I next see them with their droopy skin then it will be expected of _me _to laugh at **them**, and it would be _my _turn to be jolly, and it would possibly actually cheer me up. A little.

Maybe.

Oh God, will you listen to this? You know, if this is jealousy then I wish that this bench I am sitting on could just please become a black hole and swallow me up? What kind of friend wishes nasty things on their… friends?

So there I am. Only my misery has been made **more** prominent in the face of their exuberance. No happier than before I'd seen Tidus, wishing I hadn't seen Tidus –

_Wishing I could find the freaking girl_!

Yeah. That too. And it was also **slightly **depressing to compare myself to Selphie and finally force myself to realise just how much I've really changed. I feel suicidal just by thinking about it. As you know.

I'm too tired to get up just yet, but can you really blame me? I've been prodding around for a good few hours; I more than deserve a five minutes break, right?

Only those five minutes stretches to six.

**Seven.**

_I close my eyes…_

**Eight.**

_Just two more minutes…_

**Nine.**

_**Ten.**_

_Okay, let's go!_

_**Eleven.**_

_Uhh… but I'm comfortable now…_

_**Twelve.**_

_Did something just brush against my legs? Hmm…_

… _**THIRTEEN**_?

Crap!

My eyes snap open. The scene that meets them confuses me so much that I have to wonder just where the freaking hell I am?

It's distorted at first. All colours and shapes and blurred edges, the colours blending together and breaking apart, moving, images and fuzziness… and I, being me, have to have a sudden random thought. This must be what it is like for babies, I think. All bright lights and indiscernible shapes, things that didn't make any sense but bewildered them anyway with there ferocity because they'd never seen anything like it before…

And then I regain some shred of sanity and shake my head roughly.

_Focus, Sora, focus_!

Music.

I recognise it – **impossible**, I think. There wasn't one nearby. And then I blink and look and then rub my eyeballs because it's _really _hard not to.

Look again.

Pinch myself.

React from pinch.

Rub spot where I pinched.

Curse myself.

Look _again_.

Desperately try to **restart** my heart.

It just _didn't make sense_. There wasn't even one there before. There was definitely people milling about here before – where had they all _gone_? It's so spookily silent and ghostly that I nearly shrink back with fear.

Silent, except for the music.

The carousel music.

It's not _natural_. I'd make a guess that I had suddenly and somewhat randomly become completely deaf. If it wasn't for the music, that is.

And then **she** comes around again.

It's as if I'd never even lost her.

She is still in that dress – the first one she'd worn in forever. Sea-green, but longer than I remembered, rippling out behind her like flowing water, majestic and awe-inspiring. I watch her, fascinated, as she raises her dainty head and looks directly at me.

Blue meets violet, and she smiles at me. An honest to God smile, casual, confident, calm. It was as if she'd been waiting for me, but knew I would come. Her petalsoft pale pink lips showed genuine happiness.

She lifts a hand – small, smooth, delicate, and so frighteningly **thin **– and she waves at me.

She _freaking _waves at me! A bloody honest to God _careless __**wave**_!

I elevate my own hand and meekly returned the gesture.

She mouths something at me, but I am no lip reader. I have no chance in understanding her. I frown, mouth – _what_? And she shakes her head, grinning, almost mischievously, an almost knowing gleam in her bright **bright** eyes.

I gulp nervously and glance away.

Notice her mount.

And I am so struck by its eerie alien-ness.

It is a rounded creature. Seemingly made up of two circles of the same size, its body and head. Two legs, feet without toes. Stick thin arms with claws for nails. Two antennae. It's crouched on all fours, but I'd make a guess it's supposed to be two-legged. The back is too hunched.

It's black.

It has glowing yellow eyes.

So I suppose the eyes have lights behind them, but I tell you, it scares the absolute **crap **out of me.

And then she disappears around the corner.

I wait impatiently for her to come around again, standing up and staring at the merry-go-round hungrily, waiting to see her fragile face and her small smile and her lovely eyes.

But when the black creature with the yellow eyes does come back around, I sincerely wish it hadn't.

She is lay before it, her head the closest to its vile being. And it looms over her, its claws reaching out towards her chest. She is too shocked to do anything but gaze up at it, an expression of extreme terror upon her beautiful face.

It's alive.

_My God, it's fucking _alive!

Its hand plunges into her, and as her mouth opens in a silent scream, my own lips part to mimic hers.

_**Kairi**_!

My scream floats into the silent night.

It might meet her ears, but will never be heard.

She's already gone.

Through it all, the melody of the carousel plays on. It doesn't stutter with hesitance, nor does it linger. It just continues; completely unaware of anything that may or may not be happening. Surrounding me, engulfing me, _mocking _me.

--**l**-**l**--

**God, I was scared.**

--**l**-**l**--

"Sora!"

I look up. Dead eyed. And stare blankly at the approaching figure.

Riku does a double take when he sees me.

"Christ! What happened to you?" He asks me, concerned and curious, a slight frown on his brow. I grimace at him and turn away.

"What?" I mutter. "What do you mean?"

"You look as if you've seen a ghost."

And suddenly he is right **there**. And his arm is around me.

"Sora?" He says, but this time more softly, merely worried about my well-being. I wish I could answer him, I really do, but I can't even bring myself to try and think about what I'd just seen. It was already imprinted onto my minds eye as it was, and I couldn't get rid of the vaguely nauseas feeling inside of me – even after puking my guts out.

"She's gone…" I finally whisper.

"What?"

"Kairi… she's gone."

"Yeah, I know. She's been looking for you, but I suppose she kinda gave up. You know how she hates fairs and dresses."

I stare at him.

He frowns.

"What?" He asks, innocently.

"Kairi… this huge creature just murdered her on a carousel."

He blinks at me for a moment.

"What?" I ask in turn.

Riku laughs.

--**l**-**l**--

**Dude, what are you talking about? She left for home half an hour ago!**

--**l**-**l**--

* * *

throw in a little bit o' this -  
aaand a little bit of that;  
(_kevin brooks' brs _& _kh_)

so i might do part II.  
dunno.  
maaaaybe if i get some reviews,  
we'll do Kairi's POV!  
_yerrrrrs_~

**onlylotte.**


End file.
